Florida Vacation 2011

It's me again, yes it's been a while but I just get busy and forget to post here.  I apologize and will try to do better, I swear.

Well we took our first family vacation in almost 4 years last week.  We exchanged our timeshare and went to Orlando again with all 3 boys.  We stayed at a place called Westgate Town Center and let me just tell you that boy was I shocked at this place.  You see, all the other times we have stayed at places through the timeshare the resorts end up looking nothing like the pictures and are usually run down or very outdated.  Westgate Town Center, which is in Kissimmee, Fl was NOT.  This place was beautiful.  Everything up to date, very clean, the grounds were beautifully kept and everyone was so nice.  We really enjoyed our time at the resort.  They have 15 pools, but we mainly stayed at the one that was pretty much right outside our building.  We ended up buying a week there every other year so we can go and stay a week in a 2 bedroom condo for free.  so now we can vacation every year since our other timeshare is an every other week in the opposite years.  I am very excited about this. 

So, back to our vacation.  We went to Universal Islands of Adventure and Universal Studios on 2 of the days and  had a great time.  I was very impressed with Austyn who went on all the rides with Tyler, including the big scary roller coasters and things like that.  The kid has no fear and a stomach of steel it seems.  Tyler loved it of course since no one else wanted to go with him..ha ha ha.  I wasn't all that impressed with the Harry Potter part of the theme park though.  I feel they gave it too much hype for all it is.  I was very disappointed that you could not tour the castle of Hogwarts unless you went on a ride through it which was a very intense motion simulation ride.  I think they should have made it so you can walk through Hogwarts and see the inside of the castle regardless of going on the ride.  Oh well.  I had a good time at the parks anyway with the family.

We got to spend a day with Linda, Dave and Mia and that was GREAT.  It's been too long since I have seen Linda and been able to really visit.  We had a good time and I know the kids did too.  Mia is so cute and a good kid too.  Linda and Dave have done a great job with her and she's going to grow up into a fine young woman.  I worry about Linda though, she's gone through so much with her health in the last couple of years and I just want her to be completely healthy and stay out of the hospitals.  I love you Linda!

We also did mini golf a few times, which was okay, but my children are too competitive and sometimes that just ruins the fun.  (Tyler!  lol) We did have a good time though.  We also did Wonderworks again, which was okay, sometimes that place reminds me of a place for smaller kids though.  However, I did learn that my fear of heights is not just in my head as I had a full blown panic attack while trying to do a 3 story rope challenge.  I had to get down and didn't stop shaking and freaking out for about a 1/2 hour!  I was freaking out and seriously just froze up there.  I felt so dumb, but I guess it's a real fear then huh?  The rest of the family had a great time doing it and even Tyler admitted that parts of it were hard for him too.  Jacob didn't stay up as long as everyone else, but I am very proud of him for getting up there and trying it. 

Austyn did act up quite a bit with the attitude and acted like he didn't need to do anything and that since he was on vacation everyone had to do things for him.  I don't think so, and he got mad when I spoke up about it.  He also didn't know when to stop with Tyler and Jacob and just kept pushing buttons until one of them would explode and then of course Austyn cried and Mike got mad at Tyler or Jacob.  Whatever, I don't know why I thought maybe this vacation could be different from how it is at home, but it wasn't.  I really learned a few things about my marriage too and it's sad actually, but somehow I will get through things and make the best decisions for me and my kids. 

The drive there and back was fairly uneventful, it really helped having 3 drivers though and gave each of us a little more rest time.  It still exhausts me mentally though and am hoping that next  year we can somehow afford to fly and just rent a smaller vehicle there.  We did almost hit a deer that ran right over the expressway while I was driving.  That was a little scary since there was a big semi behind me and I had to slam on my breaks some to avoid it.  Dumb deer, what are they thinking, running right through traffic on a highway where the speed limit is 70mph??  Thank goodness we didn't hit it and that we made it home safely. 

Phantom and Harley did great for my mother in law and she did really well with them considering there were storms here.  Harley handled them great because my mother in law was on top of getting him his meds before the storms hit.  They were both very happy to see  us though on Saturday morning when we walked through the door. I was very happy to see them too.  I really missed them. 

Well we are home now and it's back to the grindstone of work and home life.  Tyler started football camp yesterday morning and that will go all summer.  he also is doing a wrestling camp this week at school.  He's getting things ready for his trip to Nicaragua in July.  Jacob will be spending time with our friend's Tia and John this summer too and possibly going on a trip with them somewhere too.  He's very excited about that.  I am just working and hoping to make some extra money before school starts again in August.  Mike is working again and his car broke down yesterday on the way out to a clients.  We have no idea what is wrong with it and are really hoping it's not going to cost too much to fix.  He's got the van today and so that leaves me stranded at home, which is okay since it's my day off anyway. 

I hope everyone has a great summer and I will try to update more often!  Love you all!

Life Can Change in an Instant

On Saturday March 5, 2011, my best friend of 36 years and her father were in a head on car crash that could have killed them both.  There was an angel in the car with them, I truly believe that.  They were on their way to my house to drop off her computer for Mike to take a look at and some guy driving a Dodge Durango crossed over the line to avoid rear-ending the car that was stopped in front of him and hit my friend instead.  It really makes you think about how quickly life can change.  My friend has a broken tibia, requiring surgery, and a broken finger that may require a pin in it as well.  Those are just the external injuries that will heal in time.  It's her "internal" injuries that I worry about.  Not physical internal injuries mind you, but the ones that are messing with her head mentally right now.  She is struggling with how to deal with going from a very independent women to someone who requires care and help to do even simple things right now.  It tears me up inside to see her so down and I wish there was something I could do.  I talk to her and let her know that I am here for her and do what I can do help.  I hope she knows that I love her dearly like my own sister and that even though we've had our ups and downs in the last 36  years....I am always here for her. 
Her father needs some prayers as well. He's 77 years old and ended up with a broken sternum, fractured T4 vertabrae, broken greater trochanter on his femur (which for those non medical people is part of the femur that goes into the hip area) and also an open fracture of  his wrist.  He is in a rehab facility right now, but that is done with he will need surgery for the lung cancer they discovered when doing a CT scan on him after the accident.  My friend is very close to her father and again, this is very hard because she can't even get out to see him right now.
If you are reading this right now, my friend, know that I love you very much and worry about you.  I am here for you to talk to about whatever and I will do what I can do make this recovery as easy as possible for you!
To everyone else reading this....hug your loved ones a little tighter when you see them and always let them know how much they mean to you!  I don't know what I would have done had one or both of these amazing people not made it from this damn accident.  The kicker is that the guy who caused it, didn't even get a freakig ticket and his big truck was able to drive from the accident.  My friend's is completely totaled!

I'm Bad At This

Turns out I am pretty bad at keeping a blog it seems.  It's been WAY too long since I have been  here.  Though  honestly, not much has really changed too much.  I finished off the semester at school with 2 A's and a B and am not plugging away at A&P I, Nutrition and Sociology.  Still working at Dreyer and loving it.  The people are great and helpful and the Dr's are awesome.  Couldn't ask for a better place to work.

Life around the house has been the same, but as of today I am making changes for me.  I am buckling down and getting back on track with my weight loss and I am putting on a happy and positive attitude.  I am going to be more forgiving and try to cut some people a little more slack. 

We will actually be going on vacation this summer for the first time in 3 years and I am really looking forward to it.  We are heading back to Orlando to hang out for a week.  I am hoping to catch up a bit with my cousin, Linda, who's been having a rough go of things for a while now and also would love to see my friend Mia, if that is possible.  I am just praying that the kids all behave and that Austyn doesn't give me such a hard time like usual and ruin things for me.  Wait...NO I won't let him ruin anything!!  Nice thing is that with Tyler driving, the 3 of us can take turns and hopefully take less time on the road.  Now the problem of figuring out what to do with the dogs...that always worries me, they are like my kids and I hate leaving them!

Life is going on whether I am upset and angry all the time or not, so why bother with the negative attitude when I can only change myself and my own attitude.  Hoping that it will be contagious and others will catch it!!

Have a fantastic day!

Changes Around Here

Well it's been a while since I've updatd again, so I thought I would  jump on and do it before hitting the sack tonight.  I finally got a job!  It's in the Walk in Care for Dreyer Medical Clinic, which so far has been great.  Most of the people are very nice and helpful and I can see friendships happening too. 

I actually went out and did something for myself today instead of always worrying about everyone else getting what they want too!  It's funny  how people change when they know that I'll be bringing home money, but it's too little too late right now.  I will be opening up a savings account and putting a portion of my checks away for the future.  I am still going to Waubonsee to get my pre-req's done so I can apply for the RN program.  Right now I am half way done with Mirco Biology, English 102 and Speech 100.  Thank goodness.  Next semester I will be taking A&P I, Nutrition and Sociology 100. (the latter 2 will be online).  I am hoping to be able to pick up some more work hours if I take the A&P in the morning. 

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I have come to some decisions, though I can't really share here right now.  :-)    Don't you hate when people do that?  ha ha ha, someday.....  One thing I can say is that I am tired of sitting at home because people don't ever want to go out and do things.  Come on friends, let's make some plans to have some fun!  As I learned 2 1/2 years ago, sitting in that hospital room, not knowing what was going to happen to me and basically planning my own funeral and my kids future without me, life is way too short to be unhappy.  For whatever reason, God spared me back then with the whole complication problem/surgery and also the breast cancer scare, so now I need to just live my life to the fullest and not worry about things so much.  Who's in with me?  I just want to go to the movies, hang out with friends, maybe dinner/lunch or something once in a while...hell I have friends and since Mike doesn't seem to care, I'm not gonna sit around here moping. 
Okay, so now that anyone whos' reading this for the first time probably thinks I'm psycho...LOL   I guess I need to get some sleep.  I have my last training session tomorrow afternoon and then speech at Waubonsee...another long day, but that's okay, it's making me a better person!

Here we go again....

School has started for the boys.  I can't believe that both my boys are in high school already!  Tyler is a Jr. and Jacob is a Freshman.  Austyn is in 7th grade.  Jacob came home yesterday from his first day and said that he hated it and wanted to quit already.  He's in all honors classes and actually had quite a bit of homework already.  He's gonna have to work hard, but he will do great I'm sure.  Tyler is also in all honors and also has 2 AP classes as well.  He's really gonna  have to work hard.  He drives himself and Jacob to school in the mornings and that is nice. 

I have been going on interviews and such, but so far no luck in a job.  I have had a few where they tell me that they are impressed and that I am a great candidate, then I never hear from them again!  WTH?  It's so frustrating and very unprofessional to me.  I am hoping to land a job at Dreyer Medical, but we'll see.  It's starting to depress me and make me think that there is something wrong with me somehow. 

I start school again  next week and will be taking Microbiology on Tues and Thurs evenings, Speech online and 5 classes on Wednesday evenings and then an English class online.  It's going to be hard, but I am determined to do well!  It seems like has been throwing curveballs my way for a while  now and I have decided that I need to catch them and handle them soon, before things get too bad. 

It's that time again

Time for another update that is.  Things have been kinda busy but boring around here, if that makes sense.  I have gone on 2 interviews for a job at Dreyer Medical Clinic and I have the 3rd and final one Monday, then I will know if I got the job or not.  It's at an internal medicine office, but the hours are iffy because of school.
I finished my psych class with a B, which isn't what I wanted, but I'll take it.  I have 3 weeks off, then I start 3 more classes; Microbiology, English 102 and Speech.  The second 2 are online, well I have to go to the school a couple of time for speech just to give them, otherwise it's all done online.  The only one I have to be there for twice a week is MicroBiology.  I have to say I am a little worried about that class, it's never been a stong point of mine and now with having to work and take care of the kids/family while doing it...it's gonna be interesting. 

I turned 40 last week too, not a big deal around here at all.  As a matter of fact Tyler and Jacob bought me a cake, Austyn got me a present, that his grandma and grandpa helped him with, and Mike...well he didn't do crap.  Not even a card from him and barely a happy birthday.  I try not to let it bother me, but it does damn it!  Jacob is planning a party for me and for his cousin, my niece, Tina, who will be 30 in Sept, on Aug 14th so hopefully that will all work out for him, he doesn't want help from me, he says because it's my party, he wants to do it.  I don't know how that's gonna work though, but I love that he's doing it.

Tyler got his driver's license on July 15th and a new car on July 17th, well it's new to him.  It's a 2003 Pontiac Grand Prix GT, it's in my name and Matt, his dad, paid for it, wish a little bit of grandma and grandpa Schneider's help too.  He loves it and so far he's been doing very well with it and with driving.  I am very proud of him.  He drove him and Jacob to their dad's for the weekend and I was really nervous because it's almost 1 1/2 hours away, but they made it safe and sound. 

The boys start school on Aug 18th already and I feel guilty because we didn't have the money to do anything fun and exciting this summer.  Hopefully next summer will be better, since I will have a job and all.  I have great kids though and they make me very proud!

It's official...

I finished my externship on Saturday and so now I am officially a Medical Assistant!  I am very proud of myself for doing this and just loving what I do.  Of course I need to find a paying job now, but the good news is that the supervisor at my site is trying to get me hired.  It would be the ideal place to work too, since they are open 7 days a week and they know that I am going back to school for my RN, they are willing to work with me on hours.  Please keep your fingers crossed that they call me soon to start. 

I am taking my Life Span Psych class at Waubonsee right now and loving it.  The teacher is awesome and it's really interesting.  I will be taking Speech, English 102 and Microbiology in the fall.  My plan in to get the pre req's done by next summer so hopefully I can start the actual RN program in the fall of 2011.  We shall see if that all pans out.

The boys are enjoying their summer, I think, so far.  I wish we had the money to actually go somewhere.  It's been 2 years since we've been on a vacation as a family and I miss those times.  Tyler has been busy with football camp/practice, umpiring again and he's also working for my sister and brother in law just helping finish their basement and other odd jobs.  He will be getting his license next month and knows that he'll have to start paying for gas money.  Jacob is trying to find ways to raise money for a cause he's very interested in, It's a group that works on saving whales and other marine life.  they have a show on Animal Planet called the Whale Wars.  It's very good and I am so proud of him for doing this.  We will be having a garage sale in July and he will have his own table set up with baked goods and crafts and all the money he makes will go to his cause.   Austyn, well he's the same, playing his electronics and watching tv.  Though all the boys do get outside and play too, they love playing with the neighbor kids having water fights!  lol  Guess they are all still "little" at heart.

Well I gotta go and get Tyler from practice soon!  Have a fantastic day!

I'm doing it again!!

Well I finished my classroom part of school back on May 13th and started my externship on Monday the 17th.  It's at an urgent care place, which I love, and it's open 7 days a week, which is also okay with me since if I end up at a hospital is what I will do anyway.  I average between 25 and 30 hours a week so it will take me a bit longer than a month, but by the end of June I will have my diploma for Medical Assisting. 
However, I am not done with school..ha ha ha.  I just registered today for a psychology class that is one of the pre req's I need for the RN program at Waubonsee Community College.  That starts on June 7th and is twice a week at night!  I am loving school and all the learning, but I am really loving working with real people and helping them when I can.  I am learning tons and the people there are wonderful and helpful too.  Wish I could say the same for all the other externs there, but I do get to work with Maria, who I have been in school with since the beginning.  =)

The boys are out of school now for the summer already and the boredom has started!!  yikes, they are gonna be in for a surprise when I post the chore list for them on the fridge to start Tuesday! I'm such a mean mom  bahahahaha.  Tyler and Jacob both have English homework over the summer for their Honors English (AP for Tyler).  Jacob gets to read the book Dandilion Wine and do a bunch of writing about it and Tyler will be reading The Cather in the Rye  and I think he has to do an essay on it as well.  Neither of them are happy about it, but that's what happens when you're smart.  I can't believe Jacob is a Freshman and Tyler is a Junior now!  They both have made me so proud with their accomplishments so far.  I know there are many more proud moments to come.  I guess I did something right in raising them, they are both fine young men.
Tyler will be getting his driver's license on July 15th, or there about too. Hopefully his dad will find something for him to drive soon too.  We are covering the insurance and he's getting the vehicle. I'm not sure I got the better end here though....hmmmmm.  oh well, it will help with all the running around we do for Tyler and his sports. 

Well I need to run, but wanted to drop a line and let everyone know I'm still around, just been really busy lately.  I don't see that stopping any time soon either, but I will try to get here more often!

Almost done

Yep, I'm almost done with school!!  I have 2 more days of actual classes and then I have to do 160 hours of externship and then I graduate!!  I cannot believe how fast time has flown by, probably because I have made some very good friends and good times always go by way too fast.  I am really gonna miss seeing them every day, but I do know in my heart that we will be friends for a long time! 
I am nervous about my externship because I will have to be doing procedures on real people...lol  not that the other students are "real" but you get used to doing the procedures on the same people for weeks on end.  Does that make sense?  I still don't know where I am doing my externship, but that's par for the course with my school, I've heard.
I have an appointment on May 19th to meet with a counselor at Waubonsee Community College to get started with the classes I need to take before applying for the RN program there!  Yep, I graduate with my MA degree in about a month and then will jump right back into school...I'm not getting any younger!  ha ha
I did find out great news though, it seems that my gen ed classes I took waaaayyy back when..will still transfer!  I won't have to retake the English, Math and Psychology courses..that will help a ton.
Well I need to go to bed, I have been so tired lately and just can't seem to catch up on sleep...probably from my low iron levels and high PTH levels, hopefully all of that will be fixed soon too!

Where does the time go?

Yikes, I can't believe it's been so long since I've updated here again!  Life is passing too quickly.  I can't believe that school is almost over for me, I only have 6 weeks left of classroom and then 160 hours of my extern and then I graduate!  It's really flown by, but I have made some life long friends along the way too.  Most of the people I go to school with are good peeps, there are some that are questionable, but who am I to judge.  I just shake my head and wonder...lol

We've been getting really good at blood draws, injections and lots of other things too.  Turns out that our new teacher, Ms. Hernandez, is good for us! who knew...ha ha ha   She really had a lot to teach us and since she's been a Medical Assistant for 10 years, I figure she knows what she's doing.

Tyler turned 16 on March 17th and will be getting his driver's license sometime in July, hopefully.  Now we just need to find him something to drive, so he can get to football camp and work, while I am working too. The other boys are doing well also and just plugging along til school's out for them, which is in about 37 days!  They get out early this year, before Memorial Day! 

There's really nothing else exciting going on around here, which is why I haven't updated in a while I guess...lol  Just keeping busy with school and homework and the kids, like usual!

All is good here

Well surgery this morning went very well.  I was actually home by 9:30am, even before Tyler and Austyn woke up for the day!  lol
I was in pain from cramping, but I went to sleep for a few hours and when I woke up it was somewhat better, so I ate something popped a Vicodin and went back to bed for a few more hours.  I woke up when the kids came and said that dinner was done and I needed to eat something again. (they do look out for me when I'm done that's for sure).  I got up and felt pretty good, though I am just wiped.  The pain isn't bad at all anymore and neither is the bleeding (sorry if there's any guys out there reading this, but it's life!  lol)  Dr M said that I could have bleeding/spotting for up to a month, hopefully it won't be that long, but if it means never again after that...bring it on!
For those of you who read Heidi's prayer for me, well I didn't get the HOT anesthiologist, but that's okay I got a very nice lady and she took good care of me. 
Anyway, just wanted to check in and let you all know that I am doing well.  I will be hitting the sack here again soon though, even though I've slept more than I've been awake today, my body is just plain tired.
Hopefully tomorrow I'll be pretty much back to normal.

Tomorrow is the day!

Tomorrow morning at 5:30am I have to be at ABMC for my surgery, which is scheduled for 7am!  Yikes, that's early considering I am 45 mintues away too.  Though I think at that time of day and if we take the expressway, we'll be okay leaving here at 5am.  The boys have no school, so there's no need to worry about getting them out the door.  I am kinda nervous about being put under, though the only problem I have is when I come out of it, I always just want to throw up!  I always tell them to give me some Zofran before even bringing me out!  LOL
Hopefully I get a good anesthiologist, preferbly the one who did my second surgery 2 years ago.  LOL  Let's just say that he should be a Dr on TV, not in real life...meaning he was HOT!  LOL  Yes Heidi, you know the one.  I keep remembering what you said, about him being the last one I see before I'm out!  hahahaha. 
I love my friend Heidi, we've known each other for years and years...we've been through a ton of shit together and lost touch for a while, but I think that we both know that we'll always be there for each other.  We've had some great times together and some not so great, but she's more like a sister to me.

Well I should be home around 12pm everyone's telling me and then I am sure that all I'll want to do is sleep the rest of the day, which is fine.  I'll just crawl upstairs and cuddle with Phantom and Harley and sleep the day away.  I am really hoping that after all is said and done with this surgery, my problems will be over or at least much much better.  I have the utmost faith in my Dr and have known him for years as well.  Heck, I worked for him when I was preggo with Tyler and he actually delivered Jacob!  Yep, it's been a while and I totally trust him.

Well if you're so inclined, please just send a little pray up for me that all goes well and that I will be home and healing tomorrow!

Minor Surgery Coming Up

So on Feb 26th I will be having some minor surgery done.  It will be done on an outpatient basis and I should be good to head back to school by Monday.  So the Dr says.  Please say a prayer for me that everything proceeds as it should.  Most of you know what happened last time I went in for a surgery and ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks with some major complications!!  It's my luck, but this time I will be fine, I know it.  My Dr rocks!!
I just hate being put under a general.  I always want to puke my guts out afterwards.  Hopefully they'll load me up with Zofran before they bring me out of it!  :-)
I am actually looking forward to having this done, since it should help with problems I have been having since my gastric bypass surgery almost 2 years ago.  Mike will be taking me, though Tyler did offer to drive me there and home, well until he found out I have to be there at 5:30am and it's 45 minutes away!  LOL  gotta love kids huh?  That's okay though, Mike is the one who should be there anyway.

On another note, I am very proud of Tyler.  He's been driving now since the  middle of October and he's doing really well.  Most of my family knows how hard this was for me to come to grips with, and it's not becuase my baby is growing up, but rather because of the horrific passenger I am!!  To sit in the passenger seat of a vehicle and not have control is VERY difficult for me.  I have to say I have been doing very well though and have only yelled a handful of times since October!  He's really doing well and will be a good driver. 

Everything else on the homefront is good.  We have a ghost here that the dogs can see, I swear, but it's nothing bad that I can tell. But they will stand and bark like crazy into an empty room and will NOT go into it, until whatever is there is gone.  I thought Jacob was just being scaredy cat of being home alone when he told me that, but then I saw Harley do it one night by the kitchen.  It was very bizzare.

Title of My Blog

Well as my blog title says, it's Time to Start Believing...in myself that is.
The title actually comes from one of my favorite songs by the Lovehammers.  The title of the song is Find Your Way.  If you haven't heard of the Lovehammers, check them out, they rock!! 
http://www.lovehammers.com/  

Anyway, I filled out the paperwork for new students at Waubonsee Community College for the nursing program.  If I don't do this now, I won't do it so I figured that I just needed to "start believing" in me and do it.  I am excited, nervous and scared, but mostly excited.  This has been a dream of mine for over 20 years and I am finally doing something about it.

I am hoping to take 4 classes over the summer.  2 on line and 2 on campus.  English 101 and Psych 100 online and then Microbilogoy and Anatomy and Physiology 1 on campus.  Not sure if I'll be able to handle all of that but I'm sure gonna try.  It will also depend on money as well.  I am thinking that my unemployment is going to run out very soon and then I don't know what will happen.  I will have to work and go to school I guess, but that will be VERY difficult for me.  We shall see

I'm so confused

Okay ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to be a nurse.  I started college right after high school and then like an idiot, let a boy get my focus off track and ended up not ever going back.  Big dumb hairy mistake!!  I regret it now like crazy.

However, I am going to make my dreams come true..some way, some how, some day.  I have been looking into different programs and it's all so confusing.  The CC here (community college) offers a 2 year RN program, which has a 1 year waiting list and that wouldn't even start til AFTER I take/pass all my gen ed classes that I need...so I'd be looking at at least another 2 years before even being able to apply for the program there.  There is another school here called, Chamberlin School of Nursing and they offer a BSN in 3 years that includes all the gen ed classes I would need.  I would be able to apply and most likely be able to start by October of this year...however and that's a big however....it's VERY expensive.  The logical/financial choice would be CC, but honestly I don't want to wait that long to get into the program and graduate.  See there are reasons I really need to move on with this and graduate and get a good stable job. I need to know that IF the time comes that I have to support myself and my boys again, I will be able to and right now that just isn't at all possible.  I HATE being dependant on someone else and really need to make changes.

I have a good friend, Heidi, who is being very helpful to me with advise and just helping me think things through and I appreciate it so much.  Thanks Heidi!!  I think I am going to make appointments at both the CC and Chamberlin and go see/talk to a counselor and figure out my options and which one would be better for me. Of course I am taking my sister, Lisa, with me to be an extra set of ears and to ask any questions I might forget too!  I love that I can do that too!  Thanks Lisa!

 IF IF IF I chose to go to Chamberlin, I will be in debt for the rest of my life I'm sure.but it might be worth it??  UGH, I just don't know what to do, except figure this out and get on with my life!! 

He scares me

I am talking about my 11 1/2 yr old stepson.  He is always laughing about death and when people die or get killed on tv.  I know that he's a boy and all, but if you really knew him, you'd understand why this bothers me. 
I told Mike that he needed to bring this up to Austyn's phsychatrist next visit, but of course I just go the roll of the eyes. @@   I just hope he remembers that it was me who told him to get Austyn evaluated for ADD long before his teacher's did too...I might just know a little something..maybe

Learning from Past Mistakes

How come some people don't learn from past mistakes?  I am not saying that I have always done so, but some things just seem to big to not learn from.  Okay here's where I'm going with this...but first some background for those that may not know the trials and tribulations I have gone through in the last 2 years.

On March 24, 2008 my life changed drastically.  I underwent gastric bypass surgery.  It all seemed to go well and I was in the hospital for 4 days and then came home to rest and recoup and start my new lease on life.  Well that didn't last long because on Monday March 31st, in the afternoon I started to have some problems and that evening I called my surgeon's office and they told me to go to the ER that I was most likely just dehydrated and needed fluids.  Little did I know that the next few months were going to really put me through hell and back.  In the ER they discovered that the part of my intestines where they do the Y part of the gastric bypass had collapsed in on itself causing an obstruction.  I was admitted to the hospital in the wee morning hours of April 1!  Yep April Fool's Day..go figure.  Anyway, I was in there for 2 full weeks, going through xrays every single day and ending up with a PICC line for nutrition and for the first week, honestly feeling like I was going to die.  I had my "plans" all worked out in my head about where the kids would go and what they would take with them from our house to their dad's and so forth.  Every day I was getting sicker and sicker and they weren't doing much about it.  Wednesday April 9th, I underwent a second surgery (one that included opening me up completely) to fix the blockage.  When I came too from that surgery I knew that they had fixed the problem as I felt so much better.  Now came the long road to recovery, which fully started the day I was released which was April 15...yep Tax Day!  LOL

Anyway, the entire time I was in the hospital, my husband came to see me 4 times, that's right, 4 times in 2 weeks!  the first was when he brought me to the ER, second time he came up for about an hour one weekend with the kids, third time was for my second surgery and the fourth time was to bring me home from the hospital.  I saw my EX husband more, as he would bring up Tyler and Jacob to see me and visit.  My husband didn't even call me every day to see how I was doing either, I can't honestly remember how many time he did call but I know it was maybe 3 or 4 at the very most.  I do not know how I would have made it through those dark dark days of my life without my sister, Lisa, who did call me every single night to check up on me and her and my neice Celia who came to visit with me and make sure that I took my walks and played card games!  (I love you guys!!)   This time in the hospital really made me do some serious thinking about my life. 

About a month after I got home, Mike and I took Austyn to his psychiatrist appoinment and I couldn't keep my mouth shut and let them both tell the Dr that everything was just great!  I layed it all out and told him what a toll everything was taking on my marriage and he basically said to us that if we don't get into marriage counseling it would most likely only get worse.  I totally agreed and so did Mike...while we were there anyway.  It's now been almost 2 years later and Mike says that we can't "afford" counseling and I say that we can't afford "not to go" to counseling, but of course, like always he wins.

We were driving somewhere the other day and I asked him what happened with his first marriage, why did it fall apart. (now mind you I have heard this story many times, but was hoping that he would see some parallels with his marriages).  He went on to tell me that L wanted a divorce because there just wasn't any hope anymore of things working out.  She wanted counseling and he said that he didn't think it was a necessity at the time.  He said that he can see the mistakes that he made.  I just sat there flabbergasted (once again) because we NEED counseling or something for this marriag and he just doesn't see it.  I can honestly say that I think I kinda know where L was coming from with why their marriage fell apart.  (now she did cheat and that didn't help, but he did want to fix it, just not with outside help)

It's just really bothering me that I am unhappy and just don't feel like he gives a crap about it.  I can't tell him anymore that I am unhappy and that things have to change because it just goes right over his head.  I guess all I can do is "Start Believing" that what I am doing with school and all will eventually put me in a position that changes will happen, good or bad.  Please understand that I DO NOT want another divorce, but I also don't want to spend the rest of my life unhappy and miserable either.

Okay sorry for the novel tonight, I just needed to get things out!

Sorry for thinking about you!

I know you are probably confused about that title, but it's honestly how I felt today when I called Mike from Subway to see if he would like me to buy him a sandwich from there for Tyler's wrestling meet tonight. (it beats the pizza and pretzels the school has..lol).  Anyway, it was about 1pm and the meet isn't til 5, so I told him that I was gonna buy them now and put them in the fridge until we went.  He got all crazy about it and said that they would be gross and all..I said, "well I am sorry for thinking about you too and not just getting myself something!"  I was so annoyed. I didnt have to call him at work to buy  him anything, I could have just made him fend for himself, but I was trying to be nice.  Why couldn't he just say, "hey, thanks that would be great!"  nooo he's gotta get snotty about it and then still end up having me bring him home something! @@  whatever.

Just once I would love to have someone say, thanks for ...............(fill in the blank) without being made to feel like they had to ya know?   Okay that's all for now, I have to go and get a few things done before we head out to the wrestling meet!

Just checking In

Well it's been about a week now since I started this blog and while my intentions were good to post more often, life has once again gotten in the way.  :-)
School has been busy and we are getting ready to wrap up this Module by learning CPR.  I am already certified, but I have to be honest, the class I took at the fire department was a little disappointing and I don't feel that I learned all that I should have.  I feel that the school course will be better.  This Mod has been about the heart and respiratory system and it's been very interesting.  I am learning a lot and am still very  happy with my decision to go back to school. 
I have been asked by my teacher to apply to be an "ambassador" for the class too.  I have to write 2 paragraphs of about 5 sentences each explaining why I would make a good ambassador.  I hate writing about myself like that as I am still having some major confidence issues and feel that I am not as good as other tells me I am.  I will get over that as it's another one of my resolutions this year.

The kids are all doing okay.  Tyler is back to wrestling again after his accident back in December.  I gotta just say that, that day was one of the scariest days of my life.  To get a phone call that something happened to your child and they are being rushed to the hospital, but no other information, sure gets the heart and the adrenaline pumping.  I thank God every day that it wasn't more serious and that he's fully recovered.  He will always have to be careful with another head injury though from now on.  See, it's a good thing my kids have thick skulls.  :-)

Things with Mike are the same as well.  It just seems that no matter what I do or say, nothing gets through to him.  I know that I don't have a paying job, but I do go to school and do my best to keep things running around here.  I do all the laundry and make meals.  Is it too much to ask for a little help with things? 

I have been finding myself getting ticked off over small stuff and that bothers me too.  I have to make my appointment for my annual exam with the gyne and I am going to talk to him about things.  I need to do something and he knows me well, so it's easier to talk to him about it than my GP...who just moved to Florida anyway.  lol

Well I have to go and keep plugging away at homework, but wanted to stop in and say hi

Here I go again

Happy New Year!

I am starting a new blog this year and plan on keeping it up to date with life and happenings around here. This year I am making it more about ME. I have spent all of my adult life trying to make and keep others happy and in the process have neglected making and keeping ME happy. That makes for a crabby mama/wife/friend/sister, well you get the picture.

I am going to school to become a medical assistant and will be graduating in June. This is something I have always wanted to do and last year decided to go for it. I am really enjoying it and have been making new friends as well, even if they are younger than me. :-)

The family is doing good and we're having all the same issues as we always do. Until I do something about it, nothing will change around here. That means I need to start believing in myself and getting things done! Hence the name of my new blog!