Okay ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to be a nurse. I started college right after high school and then like an idiot, let a boy get my focus off track and ended up not ever going back. Big dumb hairy mistake!! I regret it now like crazy.
However, I am going to make my dreams come true..some way, some how, some day. I have been looking into different programs and it's all so confusing. The CC here (community college) offers a 2 year RN program, which has a 1 year waiting list and that wouldn't even start til AFTER I take/pass all my gen ed classes that I need...so I'd be looking at at least another 2 years before even being able to apply for the program there. There is another school here called, Chamberlin School of Nursing and they offer a BSN in 3 years that includes all the gen ed classes I would need. I would be able to apply and most likely be able to start by October of this year...however and that's a big however....it's VERY expensive. The logical/financial choice would be CC, but honestly I don't want to wait that long to get into the program and graduate. See there are reasons I really need to move on with this and graduate and get a good stable job. I need to know that IF the time comes that I have to support myself and my boys again, I will be able to and right now that just isn't at all possible. I HATE being dependant on someone else and really need to make changes.
I have a good friend, Heidi, who is being very helpful to me with advise and just helping me think things through and I appreciate it so much. Thanks Heidi!! I think I am going to make appointments at both the CC and Chamberlin and go see/talk to a counselor and figure out my options and which one would be better for me. Of course I am taking my sister, Lisa, with me to be an extra set of ears and to ask any questions I might forget too! I love that I can do that too! Thanks Lisa!
IF IF IF I chose to go to Chamberlin, I will be in debt for the rest of my life I'm sure.but it might be worth it?? UGH, I just don't know what to do, except figure this out and get on with my life!!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
He scares me
I am talking about my 11 1/2 yr old stepson. He is always laughing about death and when people die or get killed on tv. I know that he's a boy and all, but if you really knew him, you'd understand why this bothers me.
I told Mike that he needed to bring this up to Austyn's phsychatrist next visit, but of course I just go the roll of the eyes. @@ I just hope he remembers that it was me who told him to get Austyn evaluated for ADD long before his teacher's did too...I might just know a little something..maybe
I told Mike that he needed to bring this up to Austyn's phsychatrist next visit, but of course I just go the roll of the eyes. @@ I just hope he remembers that it was me who told him to get Austyn evaluated for ADD long before his teacher's did too...I might just know a little something..maybe
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Learning from Past Mistakes
How come some people don't learn from past mistakes? I am not saying that I have always done so, but some things just seem to big to not learn from. Okay here's where I'm going with this...but first some background for those that may not know the trials and tribulations I have gone through in the last 2 years.
On March 24, 2008 my life changed drastically. I underwent gastric bypass surgery. It all seemed to go well and I was in the hospital for 4 days and then came home to rest and recoup and start my new lease on life. Well that didn't last long because on Monday March 31st, in the afternoon I started to have some problems and that evening I called my surgeon's office and they told me to go to the ER that I was most likely just dehydrated and needed fluids. Little did I know that the next few months were going to really put me through hell and back. In the ER they discovered that the part of my intestines where they do the Y part of the gastric bypass had collapsed in on itself causing an obstruction. I was admitted to the hospital in the wee morning hours of April 1! Yep April Fool's Day..go figure. Anyway, I was in there for 2 full weeks, going through xrays every single day and ending up with a PICC line for nutrition and for the first week, honestly feeling like I was going to die. I had my "plans" all worked out in my head about where the kids would go and what they would take with them from our house to their dad's and so forth. Every day I was getting sicker and sicker and they weren't doing much about it. Wednesday April 9th, I underwent a second surgery (one that included opening me up completely) to fix the blockage. When I came too from that surgery I knew that they had fixed the problem as I felt so much better. Now came the long road to recovery, which fully started the day I was released which was April 15...yep Tax Day! LOL
Anyway, the entire time I was in the hospital, my husband came to see me 4 times, that's right, 4 times in 2 weeks! the first was when he brought me to the ER, second time he came up for about an hour one weekend with the kids, third time was for my second surgery and the fourth time was to bring me home from the hospital. I saw my EX husband more, as he would bring up Tyler and Jacob to see me and visit. My husband didn't even call me every day to see how I was doing either, I can't honestly remember how many time he did call but I know it was maybe 3 or 4 at the very most. I do not know how I would have made it through those dark dark days of my life without my sister, Lisa, who did call me every single night to check up on me and her and my neice Celia who came to visit with me and make sure that I took my walks and played card games! (I love you guys!!) This time in the hospital really made me do some serious thinking about my life.
About a month after I got home, Mike and I took Austyn to his psychiatrist appoinment and I couldn't keep my mouth shut and let them both tell the Dr that everything was just great! I layed it all out and told him what a toll everything was taking on my marriage and he basically said to us that if we don't get into marriage counseling it would most likely only get worse. I totally agreed and so did Mike...while we were there anyway. It's now been almost 2 years later and Mike says that we can't "afford" counseling and I say that we can't afford "not to go" to counseling, but of course, like always he wins.
We were driving somewhere the other day and I asked him what happened with his first marriage, why did it fall apart. (now mind you I have heard this story many times, but was hoping that he would see some parallels with his marriages). He went on to tell me that L wanted a divorce because there just wasn't any hope anymore of things working out. She wanted counseling and he said that he didn't think it was a necessity at the time. He said that he can see the mistakes that he made. I just sat there flabbergasted (once again) because we NEED counseling or something for this marriag and he just doesn't see it. I can honestly say that I think I kinda know where L was coming from with why their marriage fell apart. (now she did cheat and that didn't help, but he did want to fix it, just not with outside help)
It's just really bothering me that I am unhappy and just don't feel like he gives a crap about it. I can't tell him anymore that I am unhappy and that things have to change because it just goes right over his head. I guess all I can do is "Start Believing" that what I am doing with school and all will eventually put me in a position that changes will happen, good or bad. Please understand that I DO NOT want another divorce, but I also don't want to spend the rest of my life unhappy and miserable either.
Okay sorry for the novel tonight, I just needed to get things out!
On March 24, 2008 my life changed drastically. I underwent gastric bypass surgery. It all seemed to go well and I was in the hospital for 4 days and then came home to rest and recoup and start my new lease on life. Well that didn't last long because on Monday March 31st, in the afternoon I started to have some problems and that evening I called my surgeon's office and they told me to go to the ER that I was most likely just dehydrated and needed fluids. Little did I know that the next few months were going to really put me through hell and back. In the ER they discovered that the part of my intestines where they do the Y part of the gastric bypass had collapsed in on itself causing an obstruction. I was admitted to the hospital in the wee morning hours of April 1! Yep April Fool's Day..go figure. Anyway, I was in there for 2 full weeks, going through xrays every single day and ending up with a PICC line for nutrition and for the first week, honestly feeling like I was going to die. I had my "plans" all worked out in my head about where the kids would go and what they would take with them from our house to their dad's and so forth. Every day I was getting sicker and sicker and they weren't doing much about it. Wednesday April 9th, I underwent a second surgery (one that included opening me up completely) to fix the blockage. When I came too from that surgery I knew that they had fixed the problem as I felt so much better. Now came the long road to recovery, which fully started the day I was released which was April 15...yep Tax Day! LOL
Anyway, the entire time I was in the hospital, my husband came to see me 4 times, that's right, 4 times in 2 weeks! the first was when he brought me to the ER, second time he came up for about an hour one weekend with the kids, third time was for my second surgery and the fourth time was to bring me home from the hospital. I saw my EX husband more, as he would bring up Tyler and Jacob to see me and visit. My husband didn't even call me every day to see how I was doing either, I can't honestly remember how many time he did call but I know it was maybe 3 or 4 at the very most. I do not know how I would have made it through those dark dark days of my life without my sister, Lisa, who did call me every single night to check up on me and her and my neice Celia who came to visit with me and make sure that I took my walks and played card games! (I love you guys!!) This time in the hospital really made me do some serious thinking about my life.
About a month after I got home, Mike and I took Austyn to his psychiatrist appoinment and I couldn't keep my mouth shut and let them both tell the Dr that everything was just great! I layed it all out and told him what a toll everything was taking on my marriage and he basically said to us that if we don't get into marriage counseling it would most likely only get worse. I totally agreed and so did Mike...while we were there anyway. It's now been almost 2 years later and Mike says that we can't "afford" counseling and I say that we can't afford "not to go" to counseling, but of course, like always he wins.
We were driving somewhere the other day and I asked him what happened with his first marriage, why did it fall apart. (now mind you I have heard this story many times, but was hoping that he would see some parallels with his marriages). He went on to tell me that L wanted a divorce because there just wasn't any hope anymore of things working out. She wanted counseling and he said that he didn't think it was a necessity at the time. He said that he can see the mistakes that he made. I just sat there flabbergasted (once again) because we NEED counseling or something for this marriag and he just doesn't see it. I can honestly say that I think I kinda know where L was coming from with why their marriage fell apart. (now she did cheat and that didn't help, but he did want to fix it, just not with outside help)
It's just really bothering me that I am unhappy and just don't feel like he gives a crap about it. I can't tell him anymore that I am unhappy and that things have to change because it just goes right over his head. I guess all I can do is "Start Believing" that what I am doing with school and all will eventually put me in a position that changes will happen, good or bad. Please understand that I DO NOT want another divorce, but I also don't want to spend the rest of my life unhappy and miserable either.
Okay sorry for the novel tonight, I just needed to get things out!
Friday, January 15, 2010
Sorry for thinking about you!
I know you are probably confused about that title, but it's honestly how I felt today when I called Mike from Subway to see if he would like me to buy him a sandwich from there for Tyler's wrestling meet tonight. (it beats the pizza and pretzels the school has..lol). Anyway, it was about 1pm and the meet isn't til 5, so I told him that I was gonna buy them now and put them in the fridge until we went. He got all crazy about it and said that they would be gross and all..I said, "well I am sorry for thinking about you too and not just getting myself something!" I was so annoyed. I didnt have to call him at work to buy him anything, I could have just made him fend for himself, but I was trying to be nice. Why couldn't he just say, "hey, thanks that would be great!" nooo he's gotta get snotty about it and then still end up having me bring him home something! @@ whatever.
Just once I would love to have someone say, thanks for ...............(fill in the blank) without being made to feel like they had to ya know? Okay that's all for now, I have to go and get a few things done before we head out to the wrestling meet!
Just once I would love to have someone say, thanks for ...............(fill in the blank) without being made to feel like they had to ya know? Okay that's all for now, I have to go and get a few things done before we head out to the wrestling meet!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Just checking In
Well it's been about a week now since I started this blog and while my intentions were good to post more often, life has once again gotten in the way. :-)
School has been busy and we are getting ready to wrap up this Module by learning CPR. I am already certified, but I have to be honest, the class I took at the fire department was a little disappointing and I don't feel that I learned all that I should have. I feel that the school course will be better. This Mod has been about the heart and respiratory system and it's been very interesting. I am learning a lot and am still very happy with my decision to go back to school.
I have been asked by my teacher to apply to be an "ambassador" for the class too. I have to write 2 paragraphs of about 5 sentences each explaining why I would make a good ambassador. I hate writing about myself like that as I am still having some major confidence issues and feel that I am not as good as other tells me I am. I will get over that as it's another one of my resolutions this year.
The kids are all doing okay. Tyler is back to wrestling again after his accident back in December. I gotta just say that, that day was one of the scariest days of my life. To get a phone call that something happened to your child and they are being rushed to the hospital, but no other information, sure gets the heart and the adrenaline pumping. I thank God every day that it wasn't more serious and that he's fully recovered. He will always have to be careful with another head injury though from now on. See, it's a good thing my kids have thick skulls. :-)
Things with Mike are the same as well. It just seems that no matter what I do or say, nothing gets through to him. I know that I don't have a paying job, but I do go to school and do my best to keep things running around here. I do all the laundry and make meals. Is it too much to ask for a little help with things?
I have been finding myself getting ticked off over small stuff and that bothers me too. I have to make my appointment for my annual exam with the gyne and I am going to talk to him about things. I need to do something and he knows me well, so it's easier to talk to him about it than my GP...who just moved to Florida anyway. lol
Well I have to go and keep plugging away at homework, but wanted to stop in and say hi
School has been busy and we are getting ready to wrap up this Module by learning CPR. I am already certified, but I have to be honest, the class I took at the fire department was a little disappointing and I don't feel that I learned all that I should have. I feel that the school course will be better. This Mod has been about the heart and respiratory system and it's been very interesting. I am learning a lot and am still very happy with my decision to go back to school.
I have been asked by my teacher to apply to be an "ambassador" for the class too. I have to write 2 paragraphs of about 5 sentences each explaining why I would make a good ambassador. I hate writing about myself like that as I am still having some major confidence issues and feel that I am not as good as other tells me I am. I will get over that as it's another one of my resolutions this year.
The kids are all doing okay. Tyler is back to wrestling again after his accident back in December. I gotta just say that, that day was one of the scariest days of my life. To get a phone call that something happened to your child and they are being rushed to the hospital, but no other information, sure gets the heart and the adrenaline pumping. I thank God every day that it wasn't more serious and that he's fully recovered. He will always have to be careful with another head injury though from now on. See, it's a good thing my kids have thick skulls. :-)
Things with Mike are the same as well. It just seems that no matter what I do or say, nothing gets through to him. I know that I don't have a paying job, but I do go to school and do my best to keep things running around here. I do all the laundry and make meals. Is it too much to ask for a little help with things?
I have been finding myself getting ticked off over small stuff and that bothers me too. I have to make my appointment for my annual exam with the gyne and I am going to talk to him about things. I need to do something and he knows me well, so it's easier to talk to him about it than my GP...who just moved to Florida anyway. lol
Well I have to go and keep plugging away at homework, but wanted to stop in and say hi
Friday, January 1, 2010
Here I go again
Happy New Year!
I am starting a new blog this year and plan on keeping it up to date with life and happenings around here. This year I am making it more about ME. I have spent all of my adult life trying to make and keep others happy and in the process have neglected making and keeping ME happy. That makes for a crabby mama/wife/friend/sister, well you get the picture.
I am going to school to become a medical assistant and will be graduating in June. This is something I have always wanted to do and last year decided to go for it. I am really enjoying it and have been making new friends as well, even if they are younger than me. :-)
The family is doing good and we're having all the same issues as we always do. Until I do something about it, nothing will change around here. That means I need to start believing in myself and getting things done! Hence the name of my new blog!
I am starting a new blog this year and plan on keeping it up to date with life and happenings around here. This year I am making it more about ME. I have spent all of my adult life trying to make and keep others happy and in the process have neglected making and keeping ME happy. That makes for a crabby mama/wife/friend/sister, well you get the picture.
I am going to school to become a medical assistant and will be graduating in June. This is something I have always wanted to do and last year decided to go for it. I am really enjoying it and have been making new friends as well, even if they are younger than me. :-)
The family is doing good and we're having all the same issues as we always do. Until I do something about it, nothing will change around here. That means I need to start believing in myself and getting things done! Hence the name of my new blog!
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